


Never A Dull Moment

by Rovelae



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Hope's Peak Academy AU, M/M, cafe date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:07:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29271486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rovelae/pseuds/Rovelae
Summary: Six Ultimates walk into a café. It sounds like the setup for a joke, but the cashier is justifiably dreading taking this order.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto, Ouma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 114





	Never A Dull Moment

**Author's Note:**

> Café triple-date with the protags and their Chapter Fivers!

It’s a normal Friday, which means another eight-hour shift—and you’ve spent the first hour trying to find something to do around the café. Customers are few and far between at this time of day, which has given you plenty of time to go through your morning checklist—you’ve already restocked the cups and napkins, swept the front entrance, arranged and rearranged the displays of gift baskets and bags of candy at the counter….

That isn’t to say you’re eager for breakfast rush, either. You’d be more than happy if today stayed quiet, and you’ll definitely be missing this calm in a few hours. You’re just bored.

…And you’ve jinxed it.

The bell on the door jingles, and in walks a chatty group of six teenagers, probably stopping by on their way to school. You weren’t exactly mentally prepared for this, so you take a moment to hide a yawn and paste on a customer-service smile before stepping up to the register.

That’s when you see the Hope’s Peak Academy crest on the lapels of their uniforms.

And you think, _oh, no._

“Shuichi, look, they have little _cakes!”_ the smallest of the group chirps, tugging another toward the pastry case. “If you get me one I’ll love you forever!”

“And if you have too much sugar for breakfast you’ll crash and fall asleep during history again.”

“M-meanie!”

“Didn’t Miss Chisa make you go home early last time that happened?”

“Yeah, he pretended he was sick. And then put glitter in the vents above our home room.”

“It was funny!”

“You made Mikan _faint—”_

“She’d faint if someone sneezed too loud!”

“Haha, and it was just my luck to be sitting in the desk right underneath the vent….”

“Makoto,” a girl with lavender hair prompts softly. “It looks like we’re going first.”

“Huh? Oh, right!” The boy who must be Makoto steps up to the counter. “Morning!”

“Good morning,” you echo. “What can we get for you today?”

Makoto scans the menu over your head. “I’ll take the Lucky Egg sandwich,” he decides. “What do you want, Kyoko?”

Kyoko hums in response and turns her unexpectedly _piercing_ gaze on you. “How many shots are in the Moriarty Macchiato?”

It’s a simple question, but the delivery, the unnatural sternness in the face of a high schooler, suddenly makes you feel like a criminal in an interrogation. Luckily, muscle memory takes over and you stammer out “A-all the hot drinks come with two shots.”

“Then make it three, please,” she says.

“And we’ll share one of those strawberry tarts, too!” her companion adds.

“Okay.” You tap the order into the register. “Anything else I can get you?”

“Oh, we’re all ordering together,” he says with another grin. “Hajime lost a bet, so—”

“I didn’t _lose,_ you all just cheated,” the other one with spiky hair grumbles. “I can’t hold my breath that long, and you _knew_ Gundham’s _bear_ was out—”

“You should have done your research!” Checkerboard-scarf snickers. “Bears can’t climb that high, you could’ve just—”

“Bears _can_ climb, and I wasn’t about to walk into the lab with—”

“Hey, hey, I thought you did a great job, Hajime,” the weirdest-looking one says, holding up his hands placatingly. “I’m sure luck will be on your side next time, okay?”

Hajime mutters something under his breath, and you’re busy wondering _what is wrong with these kids_ when he gives the other a go-ahead sign.

“Ah, you don’t have to worry about feeding trash like me—”

“Nagito, we’ve already established I’m treating you. It’s not as big a deal as I’m making it sound,” Hajime adds. “I have leftover allowance from the last few weeks.”

“S-still, for a shining paragon of hope like yourself to even give someone like me the time of day, I— _mmph.”_

“He’d like a bagel,” Hajime says, his hand over the other’s mouth. “And a small caramel frappe, extra whipped cream.”

_“Mm-grrm mm hmmph,”_ Nagito says.

“A cheese omelette for me, and some orange juice. And whatever they want.” Hajime nods at the last two Ultimates.

“Fifty-three of those little tiered cakes,” the loud one says immediately. “And make it quick, or I’ll send the Ultimate Assassin to cut off your thumbs.”

“W-wh….” You didn’t even know they _had_ an Ultimate Assassin—

“Ah, he’s joking,” the other says with a strained smile—you think someone called him Shuichi earlier. You’re about to relax when he adds, “She’s not _really_ an assassin. She even helped take down their evil cult.”

You’re starting to get a headache.

“Fiiine, just one cake, then,” Checkerboard-scarf says, then turns to Shuichi, lacing their fingers together. “Pretty please with sugar on top, beloved Shumai?”

“I said _no,”_ Shuichi says. “You need to eat something healthy.”

“Pretty please with My Chemical Romance on top, then?” He grins innocently up at Shuichi, who gives him a look that’s half reproach, half pout.

 _“Please?_ I’ll have my ten thousand subordinates conquer an entire country for you—!”

“He’ll have the pressed waffle sandwich,” Shuichi decides. “And could I get the egg-and-cheese dumplings, please?”

“Sure.” At this point you just want to escape with your life.

“Ah, that should be everything, then— thanks again, Hajime,” Shuichi says.

Hajime waves him off and steps up to swipe his card at the register. “I swear they’re going to get me killed one of these days,” he says to you, and—you really hope that’s his way of making a joke.

You’re not sure, but you try for a casual laugh as you hand him the receipt. “We’ll have that right out for you.”

“Oh! I’ll get us water cups, Shuichi!”

“Can you get some for the others, too?”

“I dunno, _caaan_ I?”

“That doesn’t really….”

You preemptively count out six cups as the loud one approaches the register again. He grins in thanks as he takes them, and slides a few bills across the counter.

“Make it two of those detective-y drinks, ‘kay?” he says. “He’s got an exam later. Oh, but pretend it was free because you made extra or something.”

“No problem,” you say.

“Tha-anks!” he singsongs, tossing you a wave. “I promise not to ship you off to Siberia!”

“Okay,” you say, after he’s already gone, and you hear your coworker snicker behind you.

“Never a dull moment, huh?”

“Are they all….” You gesture helplessly. _“Like that?_ The Ultimates, I mean.”

“That was pretty tame, actually,” he says, moving to the espresso machine to start on the drinks. “Should’ve been here the time a whole class of ‘em came in. Just be glad nothing’s on fire.”

You glance back to checkerboard-scarf at the drink station, busy upending the contents of a saltshaker into one of the glasses of water, then to the others at the table, where Nagito is on a worryingly self-deprecating ramble about… hope?... that the others appear completely unaffected by.

Never a dull moment, indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> Little promotional fic for the Recipe for Despair Danganronpa cookbook zine I’m involved in! Chef applications are open until the 13th (and you don't have to have years of experience—just be willing to do your best!), and artist applications will open right after that. Here’s our carrd! >> recipefordespair.carrd.co


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